All's Fair in Love, War, and Winter
by bdrake07
Summary: XMen: Evolution. Bobby starts a war... It's not exactly what you think. Rated T for Language. PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE INSIDE! IT IS VERY IMPORTANT!


**_VERY IMPORTANT! IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS, YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND THIS STORY!_ Ok. Michelle Juarez is a character featured in this story. She was created by my sister, and for your information, _SHE IS NOT COPIED IN ANY WAY FROM ANGEL. AT THE TIME WE DID NOT KNOW HE EXISTED_. Got it? Moving on. I say this because her codename is Archangel, and she has retractable wings and a retractable sword that replaces her arm. Although there isn't much romance in this story, she is Evan's girlfriend. **

**ALSO! If you squint really hard, you will see some BobbyRogue. This is because I tend to take the pairing from the movie, and apply it to the TV show. If you don't like that, you could still read the story (because there are really NO pairings evident), or you could just leave now and go read a BobbyJubilee or something. I don't care. HOWEVER, IF YOU DO END UP READING THIS, YOU COULD REVIEW! But you're probably so fed up with this incredibly long author's note that you have lost all patience and/or tolerance for this story. Hm. Your loss!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! (sobs) Not even X-Men: Evolution, you ask? Not even Michelle? Alas, no. My sister owns her. So sue me! No, wait, DON'T.**

**Oh, myGod. Finally, the story.

* * *

**

All's Fair in Love, War, and Winter

We enter the war in its climax.

"Atten-TION! Soldiers, we have a code red. We have a soldier stranded, repeat, a soldier stranded in no man's land!"

"You are SUCH an idiot."

With those five words, Bobby Drake's fantasy came crashing down. The walls of the concrete bunker were replaced with walls of cold, white snow, and the once brave soldiers were replaced by several teenage boys. He turned to face the speaker, the only girl in the entire structure. She was calmly scratching the black nail polish from her fingernails.

"Well, I'm SORRY if you're just too stuck up to have a little fun, Rogue."

Rogue sighed, glancing up from her nails. "And I'm sorry you are completely idiotic."

Bobby stared at her in disbelief. "This is a WAR, Rogue! This is serious business!"

She raised her eyebrows. "And I thought you said it was supposed to be fun?"

Bobby opened his mouth but no sound came out. He was spared the burden of retorting by Evan Daniels, who arrived at the scene, breathing heavily.

"We have a serious problem, man. We're out of ammo, and supplies." His breath fogged in the cold air.

"What?" Bobby snapped. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Evan sighed, rolling his eyes. "It _means _that we have no snow to make snowballs out of. We used it all building the fort."

"Okay, first of all, this is not a 'fort'." Bobby crossed his arms. "This is an _ice castle_. Have you looked at it? Comparing this masterpiece to a fort would be like comparing a Volvo to an Escalade."

Evan stared at his best friend of three years as if he had just grown an extra head.

"Okay… the lack of oxygen in here is not good…" He tried to think on Bobby's terms. "Could you please come make some more ammo so we can win this war?"

"Wait a second." Rogue looked up. "He doesn't make snow. He makes ice. You want to throw ice at them?"

Evan did a double take. "What?"

Bobby's glare could've melted the fortress. "_What_?"

At that precise moment, saving Rogue from certain death, Kurt Waggoner appeared, a worried look in his eyes. "Schlechte Nachrichten, meine Freunde. The girls are seriously owning Scott out there. The plan to have him melt their fort is proving to be futile."

"What the hell!" Bobby shook his fists in the air. "Why is this happening to me!"

"Ruhe unten. We can fix this." Kurt tried desperately to comfort his exasperated friend.

"We'll have to take down the back wall." Evan mused.

Bobby shook his head. "No! Then the whole thing will collapse, and we'd be vulnerable to a sneak attack from behind!"

"We need snow, man! Without it, all we can do is sit around!"

Bobby frowned, contemplating the situation. Then he snapped his fingers, the nylon on his gloved fingers rubbing together.

"Take out the last two ledges, keep the stairs intact. That should buy us some time."

Rogue rolled her eyes as the three boys hurried off. "We're so dead." She muttered under her breath.

* * *

"Get him!"

Scott looked up in a panic to see at least ten snowballs fly through the air, at least three thrown with horribly good aim.

The origin of the snowballs, the girls' fort, however, wasn't immune to dilemma either. Several girls continued to launch snowballs at Scott's crouching figure, while others gathered to discuss the problem.

"It's literally impossible to penetrate their forces." Jean Grey stared at the two story fortress complete with a roof. Snowballs had ceased to fly from the openings that were windows, which was a good sign. But that didn't matter because the girls couldn't do any damage anyway.

"This is, like, impossible." Kitty Pryde huffed, crossing her arms.

"I think I have an idea." Michelle Juarez turned, grinning still from the sight of Scott the Almighty bombarded by snowballs. "Although it would be handy to have Cannonball here."

"Gung ho jerk." Kitty glared in the direction of a rather pathetic looking fort, occupied by only two boys, the rebel team.

"Don't be so quick to insult, Kitty." Michelle smiled cockily. "I said it would be handy to have him, so have him I will."

"What are you saying?" Amara Aquill slid in next to them. "Like a truce? Or a pact?"

"Exactly." Michelle looked smug. "We both suck. Why not join forces?"

"And suck together?" Kitty retorted.

Michelle grinned maliciously in the direction of the impenetrable boys' castle. "Actually, with their help, I plan to kick Evan's ass."

* * *

Jamie, otherwise known as Multiple, was sculpting perfectly round snowballs when he felt an evil presence behind him. He dropped the snowball he was holding with a _plop _and spun around.

"Boo." Said Michelle.

"What the hell!" Cannonball appeared. "Stop trying to freaking attack us!"

"Actually, that couldn't be farther from it." Jean straightened her sky blue hat. "We have a proposition for you."

* * *

_Boom_.

"Argh, what _was_ that!" The faint explosion sent tiny granules of snow floating down from the roof of the boy's fortress.

Bobby turned, mouth hanging open. He _knew_ it had been too quiet over near the girls' fort. He leapt up from where he was kneeling, shaping more snowballs, and took the icy stairs two at a time, slipping and sliding across the first ledge. He would've fallen if he hadn't grabbed the edge of the nearest window and yanked himself in front of it.

_Boom._

He stared out across no man's land, past Scott standing and brushing snow off his jacket, past the rebel team's empty fort-

"CRAP!" He yelled. Rogue looked up in exasperation as Bobby spun to address his loyal team of teenage boys. "We have a serious, SERIOUS problem."

"Vas ist es?" Kurt glanced nervously at the ceiling of the fortress where condensation was starting to form and drip down below. "Besides the roof melting, I mean."

"The what?" Bobby stared at Kurt, all expression ebbing away from his face. "The roof's melting?"

Rogue pulled on her black beanie just as water droplets began to rain from above.

Bobby turned and poked his head out the window. His eyes were met with a blinding flash of sunlight. The clouds that had seemed so thick and permanent an hour ago had completely vanished.

_Boom_.

The sound made him jump, and he hit his head on the top of the window. A large chunk of snow fell to the ground outside of the fortress. He stared dismally at it.

He turned to see Evan stick his head out of the second window. Evan, unlike Bobby, didn't think about anything he did. He just got things _done_.

"Scott!" Evan called. "Are the girls in their fort?"

"Oh, no, no, no!" The older boy called back, a grin on his face. "I'm not going ANYWHERE near them! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice-"

The boom came from below again and Evan looked livid. "You hear that?" He screamed. "You HEAR THAT? THAT'S YOUR ASS EXPLODING AFTER I GET AHOLD OF YOU!"

There was a pause.

"No, the girls are not in the fort, Evan."

"Duh, sie idioten. That's because they're below us." Kurt pointed downward. Evan pulled his head back inside. "What?"

"They obviously are using Cannonball to create a tunnel and invade our fort." He shrugged. "Face it, we're boned."

"For-_tress_, for-_tress_!" Bobby hissed angrily.

"Okay." Evan paced. "Okay… so here's what we do…we uh, we uh, we…"

_Boom._

"Vamanos, it's getting closer." Rogue smirked.

Evan continued pacing, and the drops of water from the melting ceiling continued to fall, now at a faster rate than before. They were soon joined by steady streams coursing down the wall.

Bobby frowned, and an ice cold droplet landed on the top of his head, causing him to gasp. Or maybe it was the revelation he had just had.

"That's it!" He snapped his fingers. "We find some way to leave the fortress, and then they come in, all smug, and it collapses on them! HA!"

"Sorry to rain on your party, but how the hell are we gonna get out?" Rogue raised her eyebrows.

Bobby's smile faded. "Oh."

"Ach! I can teleport you out, ja?" Kurt exclaimed excitedly.

_BOOM!_

The pounding reached its pinnacle, making the snowy ground vibrate. Chunks of snow fell from the ceiling.

"Obviously, there's no time." Ricardo said simply, staring at the ground, which was starting to crack.

"Oh, damn." Evan hurriedly hopped from the ledge to the ground floor. Then he stared at Ricardo.

"Dude." He said. "Melt us out."

* * *

"Ooh, he is so dead…" Michelle laughed happily as she crawled behind Cannonball. With the space of three cars in between, of course. She had no intention of getting in the way of a guy who could go up to sixty miles per hour.

"God, this sucks. I am so claustrophobic." Kitty grumbled.

"What's with ya, Kitty? You hate winter or somethin'?" Rahne called from further back in the tunnel.

"No. I like, hate stupid tunnels." Kitty retorted.

Jean grinned at the younger girl. "Oh, come on, Kitty. Once we've thoroughly kicked the guys' butts, you can relax by the fire with a nice mug of hot chocolate. Maybe Kurt will join you…"

Kitty tried and failed to kick Jean.

"Hey! Watch the walls!" Michelle scolded. "We've come this far, and nothing is going to stop us now!"

"Michelle!" Cannonball called from further on. "I'm almost there! I can hear them talking!"

"Yes! Keep going!" Michelle urged him, then turned to face the other girls. "Okay, this is it. Time to show them who's in charge here. Now let's go and kick some ass!"

With a final, triumphant BOOM Cannonball shot through the ground into the fortress, girls piling out behind him along with a few Jamies, and-

-stared at a giant hole in the wall.

"What?" Michelle cried indignantly. "WHAT!"

Kitty ran to the hole and peered out.

"Well?" Michelle demanded. "What do you see?"

Kitty turned to face her, fighting a laugh. "They're in our fort."

Jean was suddenly aware that her head was very hot. She looked up to see a giant hole in the ceiling, the sun shining determinedly through.

"Oh dear." She said.

* * *

The boys, even Bobby, watched happily as the fortress collapsed.

* * *

**The End**

**Translations- German:**

_Schlechte Nachrichten, meine Freunde_- Bad News, my Friends

_Ruhe unten_- Calm down

_Vas ist es?_- What is it?

_sie idioten_- you idiots

_Ach_- Oh, or just a general exclaimation

_ja_- yes

**Translations- Spanish:**

_Vamanos_- Let's go (in this context, it means hurry up or faster)

**A/N: Please Review! And... don't ask what's up with all the German. I was just having fun, which I am rarely allowed to do. **


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